Meet Fiona and Insanity
November 25, 2006
4:00 PM
Sorry the last post was short and choppy, had a busy week…
…on to the consistency of my rambling thoughts:
I just got back from town to check my email and every single email that I received (from someone other than Peace Corps) mentioned how much they enjoyed reading my blog. It struck me walking to the internet, before I even saw my emails, how my blog is playing a much larger role in my life here than I thought it would when I created it back home.
For me, it is the therapy I need; it is the bag for which I can collect my thoughts to one day come back to and relive the ups and downs of life here. There are some days when I feel as if my mind is overflowing and scrambled; it is not until I sit down and release the thoughts that I calm down. Writing for the blog has also spurred a passion for writing in me that I seemed to have lost for the past few years. My surroundings and my life have created so many new thoughts and in my mind that I don’t feel normal unless I am writing. But while my need to write is constantly pressing forth, I do think that I would get a bit lazy with it if I didn’t know that there were people counting on me to write.
I have never once thought that my experience here was for myself. I initially sought after the life of Peace Corps for many selfish reasons, and those quickly subsided the second I saw the interest other people took in me taking this big step in life. Yeah, it feels good to hear people tell me how proud of me they are, but it honestly feels just as good, if not better, to hear someone tell me they love reading my blog. To know that people are truly interested in hearing what I am doing here is an incredibly warm feeling. Sometimes I just get weird with my blog; sometimes I unfold a series of events that are beyond belief. Which ever it may be, it feels good to know that people care about what I am doing.
It may sound mean, but I know plenty of people that could care less what goes on two inches beyond their own nose. I have no problem with those people, but it is those people that I have lost touch with. The friends, the family, the people who care about the world that surrounds them have joined me in an effort to stay in touch and at the same time experience the world beyond their own. Not all people could or would even want to do what I doing right now. And there is nothing wrong with that. There are millions of ways to show that you care about life, and it is those people that take a concerted effort to care for their friends and the world beyond their own.
I will end this sappy randomness with a quote from Mr. Moser’s last email (Mark, after this email, Cindy may have some competition):
“I am not sure if it is good or bad, but I think you going away has made our relationship closer (as I am sure with other people as well). I religiously check your blog for updated posts and I love reading your writing and hearing all about everything you do. I tell a lot of my teacher friends about you and your stories. Even though you are half way around the world, you are close to my heart and my mind. Thank you for being who you are, a great person, and friend. You are always in my heart, thoughts, and prayers.”
My reason to exist resides in the people I care for.
And yes Mark, I do wear all of those clothes to work. I took all of those pictures right before I would leave to go to work!
November 30, 2006
7:00 AM
Ahhh the humanity!
I love what I am doing. I love where I live, I love my job, and I love the people that have become a regular part of my life.
I caught wind that word is spreading recently through the Peace Corps rumor chain (text messaging and random visits from PCVs) that I have made it into the swirl of talk, at least as far as Bishkek; which means that I have made it into conversation in at least one different Oblast than my own.
The word on the street about me: I am spending a lot of time in my village and barely coming up to breathe.
Now I know that I talked briefly about this before in a post, but I feel kind of obligated to further elaborate on this topic. Basically, Peace Corps offers its’ Volunteers an incredible amount of freedom combined with an unending support in case of problems. What this freedom opens Volunteers up to can be stretched from weekend trips to the organizing of different clubs and camps at your site. In addition to those simpler things, there are also the very frequent seminars, gatherings, presentations, and Volunteer-organized events that all are welcome to attend. What this freedom of movement offers up to Volunteers is a few choices: acknowledge the freedom but choose to not travel much or take off to every event and free weekend possible. Obviously there is a balance between the two choices, but that is how it basically breaks down.
From my previous comments about the rumor mill, I guess you could guess which category I have joined. I really enjoy my village, I love my students, and my host family would make my family back home proud for the love and care they offer me. I am really comfortable with my life here right now. Obviously, the homebody within me has played a large role in this. In my love of getting away from the ordinary, I still prefer to just settle down sometimes and become comfortable in one spot. In my case here, I am growing more and more comfortable with life in my village.
Of course as stated in the last post, homesickness still pervades my thoughts once in a while. But I expected the homesickness and actually see it as part of the growth I expected to do here. The toughest times here are going to be the times when I am having a hard day at school, my language is having an off day, and I start running my mind across thoughts of home. I have experienced days like this, they suck; but in the end they are when I have to try the hardest to settle myself down and learn from the struggle. It sounds kind of cheesy and like I am trying to be some Buddhist guru sitting under his tree. This is far from the case; I am honestly just beginning to see the light of reason behind why I am here.
I am here to learn, as I suspect many other volunteers are also; some are here to learn a culture, some a here to learn a language, some are here to learn work-related skills for future plans. Many are here to do all of the above, and within all of the above there are elements of personal growth necessary and required. I suck at learning Kyrgyz, my teaching is improving but I still am fairly poor, and there is still so much of the culture that I have not yet explored. I am improving daily with all of the above, but most importantly, I believe that in my five months I have grown incredibly as a person.
I believe that much of my growth has come because I have tried to take a concerted effort to become acquainted and comfortable with my village. I am by no means a better Volunteer because I have chosen to do this; this is just the path I have chosen to take here. Others have found different, sometimes better, paths to follow here that allow them to both contribute and grow. This is where the necessary questioning of my own position comes into play.
I have made and hung a sign on my wall in my room that reads, “Why Are You Here?” A volunteer visited me here at home and asked me if it was my existential question I ask myself daily? I responded slightly unsure with a “no.” Unsure because I don’t believe it to be my existential question; but I do believe it to be a valid question we should all ask ourselves once in a while: Is what I am doing the right thing? Are their better ways to do this? Is this the path that I should be following? When do I ask her to marry me? (Robert, Prague is pretty!).
When I caught wind of this “rumor” about me I jumped right into the questioning phase. Am I doing the right thing here? Should I be getting out more? I do believe that I need to get out more, but for now, I am very comfortable. I plan to see the beautiful country I now live, in time. For now I have too much work and too many people to meet and befriend in my village.
It’s kind of funny because with my internet usage (once a week) and my cell phone (about an hour 1½ a week), I have stayed fairly connected with home. And in a twisted way it has allowed me to spend more time in my village. I seem to get my doses of companionship through my connections with home and then head of back into the world I now live. I am not saying that I have not found friends through Peace Corps. I love many of the new friends I have. They are necessary to release some of the unique aspects to life here. But to see them I need to leave my site and remove myself from the world I want to become closer with. I see friends and I will travel in time to visit more friends, but for now, I feel as if what I am doing and where I am at is the best, if not a bit sheltered, way for me to do what I came here for: to grow and help give others the lessons that I have learned from.
***Change of Thought Process***
It is 8:00 AM and the sun just rose. Without daylight savings time, the world brightens up a bit later in the day here. It kills your desire to rise in the morning when it is still pitch black out at 7:30 AM! Another fun aspect to the wonderful world of winter that I have found out I have to become accustomed to.
November 30, 2006
4:15 PM
I’m going insane and I love it!
I catch myself talking to myself frequently during the day. Many times I talk with a purpose, but sometimes I just wander off and discuss life with the person who lives inside my skull. She is just as crazy as I am and sometimes she talks back to me. We have had great conversations, the lady in my head and me, in the past few months.
Honestly, you think I am kidding. I have come damn near solving world peace, global hunger, and AIDS with her. The shitty part is that we have all of these conversations on my way to and from work. By the time I actually make it to a location where I can record our words of enlightenment, the thoughts have receded into the depths my mind. For some odd reason the one person that keeps me insane (Fiona, the lady in my head) believes a tiny bit of sanity is necessary to live. She steals all of our thoughts away until I once again make my way back to dirt paths of my village.
“…I’ll make the most of it, I’m an extraordinary machine.”
Yesterday morning when I was walking to school and I had an incredible conversation with Fiona; she began by asking me, “What is it that motivates people?” I had to think for second and then I asked her in what context was she talking. She responded, “I don’t mean in context; I mean in the grand scheme of things, what pushes people along?”
Fiona is smart; she was going right after a topic that I struggle with daily. I snapped back quickly and stated that we are all motivated by a need to fulfill inner desires. No matter whether it is the need to give, the need to accumulate, or the need to learn; we are all motivated by the need to fulfill something inside of us that is always reaching out for something more. Upon hearing this, she laughed at me.
“Mature you may pretend to be, but entirely informed you are not,” she told me with the sting of a cracked whip.
“You must realize my young tangible friend that it may appear that the world functions on a selfish order; but you need to look not where the shade lies, but where the shade was created. Look beyond the beauty of the object being outlined and find the source of the light. It is here where you will find your vehicle for understanding.”
I slowed my pace down a bit and started to escape from the world I was walking in. I ran her words over the surface of my mind and my pace began to slow down. Have I been looking at the shade without taking the effort to find its’ source? I contemplated the concept for a moment; if I have been looking at the shade, where has the light been coming from? Within minutes I was floating in a surreal that is usually reserved for children’s minds. I began to watch as a curtain collapsed in front of me to reveal a stage filled with people of my past, present, and future.
It was kind of odd, especially since everyone was wearing Dunkin’ Donuts employee uniforms. No one was talking; they were just all standing there in peace. Finally, after a few minutes, a young child spoke up with a few simple words: “We exist, and so do you, because we are meant to.” I asked him who he was and where they all came from. He smiled and told me, “In time you will meet me, I will change your life. But you cannot know of me yet, you have much to discover before you are ready to meet me.” With those words he faded away and, against my protest, so did all of the others.
I quickly asked Fiona what was that I just saw, and to that she quoted a line from Huston Smith, “For to live, people must believe in that for the sake of which they live.” Just like the young child, with her words she faded away from my perception and left me to ponder. I believe in who I am, at least I think so. I turned my head to look up at the sun; slowly I floated back to the surface of earth I was previously walking.
I reached the doors of the school and left my last thought at the door: Who am I, for what sake am I living?
November 30, 2006
5:30 PM
As I am sure most of you who look at the picture site have realized, I have a bad-ass host sister that I live with named Sezim. In more ways than one, she has been an incredible addition to the mix of life here. Above all, it has been amazing to watch her grow up right in front of my eyes. I have never had the opportunity to be old enough to truly appreciate the process of growth within in children. It may be a combination of my new profession and living situation, or it may just be a slightly more mature lens that I now watch life through.
Which ever it is, I have found out that I love watching a child grow. Since I have been here I have watched Sezim go from an unsure walker who would take no more than five steps without needing something or someone to fall into to a marathon runner who gets lost in the house because she doesn’t stop moving. I have watched as her vocabulary in Kyrgyz (and some in English) has gone from words to short sentences. She now knows objects and people and is in full swing of beginning her own language (due to the creation of words from a perceived sound that all children seem to take part in).
I would say she keeps me sane, but I think I have already proven that I am not sane. I think more correctly I could state that she has opened up another portal through which I can watch the beauties of life perform. She is cuter than kittens in a bed of roses, and for the next two years I am thankful that I have her to add to the joy of family and life here.
December 1, 2006
5:15 PM
It’s December.
Dizzy damn!
‘A Rhyme While Walking’
So here I am, a school teacher;
A regular old English lan’ge preacher.
I teach a language I barely understand,
I do more studyin’ than teachin’ my friend
I’m doin’ my best to give these children
A chance to go on and become somethin’ differen’
Somewhere in my mind I know
That time is short and soon I go
Back to the world I used to live
Back to the world I need to give
A bag of stories and lessons I’m learnin’
A passion to stop the world from burnin’.
I’ve joined the fight as a soldier,
To ensure that the world is far from over.
There is no answer to this riddle
We j’st need to stop takin’ an’ give a little.
I am no savior, no different from you;
We all play a role in changin’ the view.
The time has come for us to happen;
For our gen’ration to stop from dancin’.
We have the power, we have the means;
Now’s the time to do our thing.
December 1, 2006
6:00 PM
I would like to introduce you to my neighbor, her name is…
SNOW!
The dance is not 1, 1, 2, 2…Look out!
Why do I have this feeling that the sun is rising?
The world is turning and we don’t even feel it. Doesn’t that make you wonder what else is happening while we skip along in life? I was thinking the other day about this time in my freshman year in high school when I spent a lunch period hiding in corner of the library crying. There was a lot that built up inside of me then that was waiting to escape. I couldn’t tell you exactly what lead to the roof coming off, but I know now how important that moment was to my life.
It was from then that emotions within me lost control and began to move with freedom. The sadness was allowed to cry and the joy was allowed to sing. Now as I sit and type this posting on the other side of the planet, I am still feeling the effects of that beginning step in maturity.
While being the only American in a tiny Kyrgyz village has made me a walking theater, I have been able to spend many moments of deep introspection here. The kind of moments where I really take a look back at my past, present, and future and run my fingers over the brail of every moment. I have begun to discover a new ability and love for reaching out and touching the world I am in. The people around me are no longer just part of a play I watch and comment on; they are now all actors in a movie that I wake up every morning to play a supporting role in.
I feel the pain of the people around me and glow and shine when their love is thriving. I smile when they smile and feel sick when their smile is upside down. This is not just my new neighbors or village friends, it is all people. People I talk on the phone with, pass on the electronic word to, or simply just think about; all of these people have some how woven their way into to my emotional state of being and I love it. I would have it no other way.
I have become oddly selfish in needing their emotion to keep me moving. I do not aim to please, but I do wish to find the source of everyone’s love. I have many faults and piss a lot of people off and this is what makes me human. I am not any better than any person next to me or the people now living twelve hours behind me. We all live, we all eat, and we all sleep. And somewhere within these routines there is something inside us all that keeps us moving.
My parents busted their ass the way many parents do to ensure their children have the opportunity to become something great. Friends will go to the ends of the earth to show their love for each other. Teachers dedicate their lives to change the lives of students for the better. But many teachers are also working to create a better life for their children’s future. Many parents are working to help out their parents and often go to the ends of the earth to show love for their friends. Friends often dedicate their lives to creating a better world for the people that taught and raised them, be it parents or teachers.
The world of love can endlessly be cyclical if we allow it. We are all here with the ability to change someone’s life. The question I have begun to ask myself every morning: How will I change the world around me today?
December 1, 2006
9:45 PM
If you do not own an album by Atmosphere, buy one now as a gift for yourself for Christmas; this is not just rap, this is the next movement in poetry!
4:00 PM
Sorry the last post was short and choppy, had a busy week…
…on to the consistency of my rambling thoughts:
I just got back from town to check my email and every single email that I received (from someone other than Peace Corps) mentioned how much they enjoyed reading my blog. It struck me walking to the internet, before I even saw my emails, how my blog is playing a much larger role in my life here than I thought it would when I created it back home.
For me, it is the therapy I need; it is the bag for which I can collect my thoughts to one day come back to and relive the ups and downs of life here. There are some days when I feel as if my mind is overflowing and scrambled; it is not until I sit down and release the thoughts that I calm down. Writing for the blog has also spurred a passion for writing in me that I seemed to have lost for the past few years. My surroundings and my life have created so many new thoughts and in my mind that I don’t feel normal unless I am writing. But while my need to write is constantly pressing forth, I do think that I would get a bit lazy with it if I didn’t know that there were people counting on me to write.
I have never once thought that my experience here was for myself. I initially sought after the life of Peace Corps for many selfish reasons, and those quickly subsided the second I saw the interest other people took in me taking this big step in life. Yeah, it feels good to hear people tell me how proud of me they are, but it honestly feels just as good, if not better, to hear someone tell me they love reading my blog. To know that people are truly interested in hearing what I am doing here is an incredibly warm feeling. Sometimes I just get weird with my blog; sometimes I unfold a series of events that are beyond belief. Which ever it may be, it feels good to know that people care about what I am doing.
It may sound mean, but I know plenty of people that could care less what goes on two inches beyond their own nose. I have no problem with those people, but it is those people that I have lost touch with. The friends, the family, the people who care about the world that surrounds them have joined me in an effort to stay in touch and at the same time experience the world beyond their own. Not all people could or would even want to do what I doing right now. And there is nothing wrong with that. There are millions of ways to show that you care about life, and it is those people that take a concerted effort to care for their friends and the world beyond their own.
I will end this sappy randomness with a quote from Mr. Moser’s last email (Mark, after this email, Cindy may have some competition):
“I am not sure if it is good or bad, but I think you going away has made our relationship closer (as I am sure with other people as well). I religiously check your blog for updated posts and I love reading your writing and hearing all about everything you do. I tell a lot of my teacher friends about you and your stories. Even though you are half way around the world, you are close to my heart and my mind. Thank you for being who you are, a great person, and friend. You are always in my heart, thoughts, and prayers.”
My reason to exist resides in the people I care for.
And yes Mark, I do wear all of those clothes to work. I took all of those pictures right before I would leave to go to work!
November 30, 2006
7:00 AM
Ahhh the humanity!
I love what I am doing. I love where I live, I love my job, and I love the people that have become a regular part of my life.
I caught wind that word is spreading recently through the Peace Corps rumor chain (text messaging and random visits from PCVs) that I have made it into the swirl of talk, at least as far as Bishkek; which means that I have made it into conversation in at least one different Oblast than my own.
The word on the street about me: I am spending a lot of time in my village and barely coming up to breathe.
Now I know that I talked briefly about this before in a post, but I feel kind of obligated to further elaborate on this topic. Basically, Peace Corps offers its’ Volunteers an incredible amount of freedom combined with an unending support in case of problems. What this freedom opens Volunteers up to can be stretched from weekend trips to the organizing of different clubs and camps at your site. In addition to those simpler things, there are also the very frequent seminars, gatherings, presentations, and Volunteer-organized events that all are welcome to attend. What this freedom of movement offers up to Volunteers is a few choices: acknowledge the freedom but choose to not travel much or take off to every event and free weekend possible. Obviously there is a balance between the two choices, but that is how it basically breaks down.
From my previous comments about the rumor mill, I guess you could guess which category I have joined. I really enjoy my village, I love my students, and my host family would make my family back home proud for the love and care they offer me. I am really comfortable with my life here right now. Obviously, the homebody within me has played a large role in this. In my love of getting away from the ordinary, I still prefer to just settle down sometimes and become comfortable in one spot. In my case here, I am growing more and more comfortable with life in my village.
Of course as stated in the last post, homesickness still pervades my thoughts once in a while. But I expected the homesickness and actually see it as part of the growth I expected to do here. The toughest times here are going to be the times when I am having a hard day at school, my language is having an off day, and I start running my mind across thoughts of home. I have experienced days like this, they suck; but in the end they are when I have to try the hardest to settle myself down and learn from the struggle. It sounds kind of cheesy and like I am trying to be some Buddhist guru sitting under his tree. This is far from the case; I am honestly just beginning to see the light of reason behind why I am here.
I am here to learn, as I suspect many other volunteers are also; some are here to learn a culture, some a here to learn a language, some are here to learn work-related skills for future plans. Many are here to do all of the above, and within all of the above there are elements of personal growth necessary and required. I suck at learning Kyrgyz, my teaching is improving but I still am fairly poor, and there is still so much of the culture that I have not yet explored. I am improving daily with all of the above, but most importantly, I believe that in my five months I have grown incredibly as a person.
I believe that much of my growth has come because I have tried to take a concerted effort to become acquainted and comfortable with my village. I am by no means a better Volunteer because I have chosen to do this; this is just the path I have chosen to take here. Others have found different, sometimes better, paths to follow here that allow them to both contribute and grow. This is where the necessary questioning of my own position comes into play.
I have made and hung a sign on my wall in my room that reads, “Why Are You Here?” A volunteer visited me here at home and asked me if it was my existential question I ask myself daily? I responded slightly unsure with a “no.” Unsure because I don’t believe it to be my existential question; but I do believe it to be a valid question we should all ask ourselves once in a while: Is what I am doing the right thing? Are their better ways to do this? Is this the path that I should be following? When do I ask her to marry me? (Robert, Prague is pretty!).
When I caught wind of this “rumor” about me I jumped right into the questioning phase. Am I doing the right thing here? Should I be getting out more? I do believe that I need to get out more, but for now, I am very comfortable. I plan to see the beautiful country I now live, in time. For now I have too much work and too many people to meet and befriend in my village.
It’s kind of funny because with my internet usage (once a week) and my cell phone (about an hour 1½ a week), I have stayed fairly connected with home. And in a twisted way it has allowed me to spend more time in my village. I seem to get my doses of companionship through my connections with home and then head of back into the world I now live. I am not saying that I have not found friends through Peace Corps. I love many of the new friends I have. They are necessary to release some of the unique aspects to life here. But to see them I need to leave my site and remove myself from the world I want to become closer with. I see friends and I will travel in time to visit more friends, but for now, I feel as if what I am doing and where I am at is the best, if not a bit sheltered, way for me to do what I came here for: to grow and help give others the lessons that I have learned from.
***Change of Thought Process***
It is 8:00 AM and the sun just rose. Without daylight savings time, the world brightens up a bit later in the day here. It kills your desire to rise in the morning when it is still pitch black out at 7:30 AM! Another fun aspect to the wonderful world of winter that I have found out I have to become accustomed to.
November 30, 2006
4:15 PM
I’m going insane and I love it!
I catch myself talking to myself frequently during the day. Many times I talk with a purpose, but sometimes I just wander off and discuss life with the person who lives inside my skull. She is just as crazy as I am and sometimes she talks back to me. We have had great conversations, the lady in my head and me, in the past few months.
Honestly, you think I am kidding. I have come damn near solving world peace, global hunger, and AIDS with her. The shitty part is that we have all of these conversations on my way to and from work. By the time I actually make it to a location where I can record our words of enlightenment, the thoughts have receded into the depths my mind. For some odd reason the one person that keeps me insane (Fiona, the lady in my head) believes a tiny bit of sanity is necessary to live. She steals all of our thoughts away until I once again make my way back to dirt paths of my village.
“…I’ll make the most of it, I’m an extraordinary machine.”
Yesterday morning when I was walking to school and I had an incredible conversation with Fiona; she began by asking me, “What is it that motivates people?” I had to think for second and then I asked her in what context was she talking. She responded, “I don’t mean in context; I mean in the grand scheme of things, what pushes people along?”
Fiona is smart; she was going right after a topic that I struggle with daily. I snapped back quickly and stated that we are all motivated by a need to fulfill inner desires. No matter whether it is the need to give, the need to accumulate, or the need to learn; we are all motivated by the need to fulfill something inside of us that is always reaching out for something more. Upon hearing this, she laughed at me.
“Mature you may pretend to be, but entirely informed you are not,” she told me with the sting of a cracked whip.
“You must realize my young tangible friend that it may appear that the world functions on a selfish order; but you need to look not where the shade lies, but where the shade was created. Look beyond the beauty of the object being outlined and find the source of the light. It is here where you will find your vehicle for understanding.”
I slowed my pace down a bit and started to escape from the world I was walking in. I ran her words over the surface of my mind and my pace began to slow down. Have I been looking at the shade without taking the effort to find its’ source? I contemplated the concept for a moment; if I have been looking at the shade, where has the light been coming from? Within minutes I was floating in a surreal that is usually reserved for children’s minds. I began to watch as a curtain collapsed in front of me to reveal a stage filled with people of my past, present, and future.
It was kind of odd, especially since everyone was wearing Dunkin’ Donuts employee uniforms. No one was talking; they were just all standing there in peace. Finally, after a few minutes, a young child spoke up with a few simple words: “We exist, and so do you, because we are meant to.” I asked him who he was and where they all came from. He smiled and told me, “In time you will meet me, I will change your life. But you cannot know of me yet, you have much to discover before you are ready to meet me.” With those words he faded away and, against my protest, so did all of the others.
I quickly asked Fiona what was that I just saw, and to that she quoted a line from Huston Smith, “For to live, people must believe in that for the sake of which they live.” Just like the young child, with her words she faded away from my perception and left me to ponder. I believe in who I am, at least I think so. I turned my head to look up at the sun; slowly I floated back to the surface of earth I was previously walking.
I reached the doors of the school and left my last thought at the door: Who am I, for what sake am I living?
November 30, 2006
5:30 PM
As I am sure most of you who look at the picture site have realized, I have a bad-ass host sister that I live with named Sezim. In more ways than one, she has been an incredible addition to the mix of life here. Above all, it has been amazing to watch her grow up right in front of my eyes. I have never had the opportunity to be old enough to truly appreciate the process of growth within in children. It may be a combination of my new profession and living situation, or it may just be a slightly more mature lens that I now watch life through.
Which ever it is, I have found out that I love watching a child grow. Since I have been here I have watched Sezim go from an unsure walker who would take no more than five steps without needing something or someone to fall into to a marathon runner who gets lost in the house because she doesn’t stop moving. I have watched as her vocabulary in Kyrgyz (and some in English) has gone from words to short sentences. She now knows objects and people and is in full swing of beginning her own language (due to the creation of words from a perceived sound that all children seem to take part in).
I would say she keeps me sane, but I think I have already proven that I am not sane. I think more correctly I could state that she has opened up another portal through which I can watch the beauties of life perform. She is cuter than kittens in a bed of roses, and for the next two years I am thankful that I have her to add to the joy of family and life here.
December 1, 2006
5:15 PM
It’s December.
Dizzy damn!
‘A Rhyme While Walking’
So here I am, a school teacher;
A regular old English lan’ge preacher.
I teach a language I barely understand,
I do more studyin’ than teachin’ my friend
I’m doin’ my best to give these children
A chance to go on and become somethin’ differen’
Somewhere in my mind I know
That time is short and soon I go
Back to the world I used to live
Back to the world I need to give
A bag of stories and lessons I’m learnin’
A passion to stop the world from burnin’.
I’ve joined the fight as a soldier,
To ensure that the world is far from over.
There is no answer to this riddle
We j’st need to stop takin’ an’ give a little.
I am no savior, no different from you;
We all play a role in changin’ the view.
The time has come for us to happen;
For our gen’ration to stop from dancin’.
We have the power, we have the means;
Now’s the time to do our thing.
December 1, 2006
6:00 PM
I would like to introduce you to my neighbor, her name is…
SNOW!
The dance is not 1, 1, 2, 2…Look out!
Why do I have this feeling that the sun is rising?
The world is turning and we don’t even feel it. Doesn’t that make you wonder what else is happening while we skip along in life? I was thinking the other day about this time in my freshman year in high school when I spent a lunch period hiding in corner of the library crying. There was a lot that built up inside of me then that was waiting to escape. I couldn’t tell you exactly what lead to the roof coming off, but I know now how important that moment was to my life.
It was from then that emotions within me lost control and began to move with freedom. The sadness was allowed to cry and the joy was allowed to sing. Now as I sit and type this posting on the other side of the planet, I am still feeling the effects of that beginning step in maturity.
While being the only American in a tiny Kyrgyz village has made me a walking theater, I have been able to spend many moments of deep introspection here. The kind of moments where I really take a look back at my past, present, and future and run my fingers over the brail of every moment. I have begun to discover a new ability and love for reaching out and touching the world I am in. The people around me are no longer just part of a play I watch and comment on; they are now all actors in a movie that I wake up every morning to play a supporting role in.
I feel the pain of the people around me and glow and shine when their love is thriving. I smile when they smile and feel sick when their smile is upside down. This is not just my new neighbors or village friends, it is all people. People I talk on the phone with, pass on the electronic word to, or simply just think about; all of these people have some how woven their way into to my emotional state of being and I love it. I would have it no other way.
I have become oddly selfish in needing their emotion to keep me moving. I do not aim to please, but I do wish to find the source of everyone’s love. I have many faults and piss a lot of people off and this is what makes me human. I am not any better than any person next to me or the people now living twelve hours behind me. We all live, we all eat, and we all sleep. And somewhere within these routines there is something inside us all that keeps us moving.
My parents busted their ass the way many parents do to ensure their children have the opportunity to become something great. Friends will go to the ends of the earth to show their love for each other. Teachers dedicate their lives to change the lives of students for the better. But many teachers are also working to create a better life for their children’s future. Many parents are working to help out their parents and often go to the ends of the earth to show love for their friends. Friends often dedicate their lives to creating a better world for the people that taught and raised them, be it parents or teachers.
The world of love can endlessly be cyclical if we allow it. We are all here with the ability to change someone’s life. The question I have begun to ask myself every morning: How will I change the world around me today?
December 1, 2006
9:45 PM
If you do not own an album by Atmosphere, buy one now as a gift for yourself for Christmas; this is not just rap, this is the next movement in poetry!
posted by Jason Lemberg @ 12/02/2006 01:00:00 PM
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